the baggy trousered misanthropist

missives issued from the lair

I had the misfortune to find myself watching a show called ‘To Catch A Predator’ last night. I realise that I am about three years too late to be critiquing this gem of a TV show, but I figure, if I hadn’t seen it, there must be others who need to be made aware of it’s magnificence.

It’s just too bloody hilarious to ignore.

As with most brill television shows, the idea behind ‘To Catch A Predator’ is perfectly simple. In the US there is a huge problem with guys grooming kids on the internet for sex. The police do their best to keep up, but these people are notoriously quiet about their nefarious activities and fail to reveal themselves to law enforcement agencies.

How to resolve this? Entrap them, of course! Here’s how Chris Hansen (above), presenter of the show, goes about it.

Get someone you know who understands computers and is prepared to talk dirty online for a small fee (come on, there’s bound to be someone), create a kid’s profile on a chatroom, and wait. Order pizza. Eventually, some dude old enough to be your mythical kid’s grandaddy will show up and start making lewd suggestions. Get your associate to repeatedly advise the individual that they are talking to a thirteen year old kid, while simultaneously agreeing to their lewd suggestions and arranging a meet.

You will be waiting in the kitchen of the kid’s house (best to choose a location far away from your home for this part, as you probably don’t want random dudes looking for sex with juveniles turning up when your grammy pops round for cake), dressed in a suit. The perv will show at the appointed hour, probably carrying a holdall that contains… ‘equipment’. You will film him walking up the drive and making his way into the kitchen via a half open door, then you leap out in your suit and invite him to ‘have a seat over there’ while you read excerpts of the transcripts from his conversations with your little friend.

Seriously. It’s ‘Beadle’s About’ with jail time thrown in.

If you’re not utterly taken with this TV show and already seeking out episodes on your favourite bit torrent client, let me convince you. This show was so successful that it had to be taken off the air. That’s right. It was actually cancelled because it became so popular that people were no longer showing up for the meets in case they got caught. Oh, and because someone killed themselves after being caught.

I feel privileged to be living at such a unique time in human evolution, y’know? To witness the path to our species’ ultimate implosion as it’s actually being forged is all kinds of awesome, don’t you think?

No? Ok.

Image via brostoncollege

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