I’ve really been trying, but I’m yet to be horrified and offended by the new John Lewis advert.

I diligently availed myself of the anger directed towards Morrissey for allowing the retailer to use The Smith’s track ‘Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want’ in their seasonal ad campaign. I purposefully sat down in front of the TV when it came on, fully prepared to begin shouting ‘sell out’ and accusing him of not being a ‘proper’ vegetarian because Waitrose sell meat/that the song is a ‘hymn’ and belongs to the fans/blah blah blah de blah.

I saw it as a real opportunity to unleash some of the ire I had been assiduously storing up for when I do my Christmas shopping.

Sadly, instead of the warm contentment one generally gleans from deconstructing the decision of a cultural icon, I just ended up feeling a bit like I’d been the victim of a massive, media-fuelled, utterly pointless, marketing campaign.

Bit like Christmas, really.