Image: AP Photo/Luca Bruno.

While GB football coach Stuart Pearce searches for the key to unlock a decent performance from his team against Uruguay tonight, let’s have a look at what else has been going on at this lovely old sporting contest of ours.

Oh, wait. We can’t leave him, it’s embarrassing. Stu! You won’t find it in there, mate! The women have got it!

Screenshot: Daily Mail, 01/08/12.

The GB eventing team picked up a silver medal yesterday afternoon, but don’t imagine for a second that the British media were caught being happy about it. Within seconds of the results coming in, a certain mid-market daily had modified an existing story to describe Zara Phillips’ ‘horror’ at clipping a fence during her showjumping round, and cheerily implying it was her fault the team missed out on the Gold.

We can only wait with bated breath to see what they do with the awe-inspiring tale of Helen Glover & Heather Stanning, who just won GB’s first Gold in the women’s pair rowing. It’ll almost certainly have something to do with Pippa Middleton’s bottom, though.

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Image via @greghenderson1’s twitter. 

It’s time someone put a stop to all the excitement surrounding the numerous photos of cyclists and their unfeasibly large thighs that are wending their merry way around Twitter.

Alright fellas, this might be eyecatching but it isn’t as though you’re the only people on the planet with a thigh mass equivalent to an average person’s body weight. Look at the lady on the left, for example. I’ll warrant she hasn’t even warmed up yet, and she’s making you guys look like amateurs!

Come back when you’ve got something truly inspirational to show us. Bloody tri-hards.

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Image: Adam Pretty/Getty Images.

Finally, the Benny Hill Award for the most inappropriate timing of a tech fail in an Olympic final went to the starting officials of the 100m breast stroke on Monday. As the competitors lined up, some berk pressed the button on the beepy machine before some other berk had said ‘Take Your Marks’ and race favourite Breeja Larson ended up taking an early bath. Cue several people in suits faffing around with black boxes that may or may not have contained their evening snack  for five minutes while some elite athletes stood around in their swimsuits and got cold.

15-year-old Lithuanian Ruta Meilutyte remained unperturbed by the fiasco however, leading the race from the restart and cruising to the Gold. For most of the medal ceremony she looked as though she would be more comfortable in front of a firing squad (if the officials had been using a starting gun, she may well have been facing one) but it isn’t as though she won’t have the time or opportunity to work on that.