And the award for the Most Evil Act Committed This Year goes to… wait, what? Image: Kevin Winter/Getty Images.

Dear Abraham (can I call you Abe?),

Since I last wrote to you, things have changed a lot and I’m not necessarily sure it’s for the better.

Image via wikipedia.

The evolution of the human race was going really, really well and we found your pyramid to be super helpful in our development. The physiological thing was fine, but then we didn’t have much margin for error when it came to breathing, excretion and homeostasis. We played a blinder with the food and water thing though. You’d have loved it. Have you tried Easy Cheese?

Safety was a bit more awkward, but we cruised right through it when we ignored the morality part, and just pretended the people who didn’t have access to the basics weren’t there. Many of us hate our families, but we just set aside special days where we all get together and fight, and that seems to work ok. Well, after a fashion.

You’d think the esteem and self-actualisation parts would have been a breeze after that, wouldn’t you? But in between developing technology that enables us to communicate instantly with each other across the globe and the reclining chairs to do it from, we got confused.

Instead of self-actualising, we just ate too much food and began to make spiteful judgments about decisions people make, despite knowing nothing about the circumstances. In some dark, potato chip strewn corners of cyberspace, infidelity to one’s partner if you’ve been in a series of vampire films (no, I don’t know either, but a massive proportion of the global population love it, so it must be important) is a crime punishable by public cyber flogging.

Some people even make ill-advised videos about it. But we just mercilessly taunt them too, so I guess that evens itself out.

It’s clear we got lost and since this is your theory, maybe you could tell us where we went wrong. My suspicions lie in the vicinity of the invention of cheese you can spray from a can, but I defer to your experience in the area.

Toodles!