the baggy trousered misanthropist

missives issued from the lair

Image via fakt.pl.

There’s no better way to support your country at the Olympics than to lie prone on your sofa for hours at a time, watching other people do it for you.

You can deny it all you like, but deep down, you know it’s true.

Great Britain’s men failed to win Cycling Road Race. Lead rider Mark Cavendish blamed the Australians, but while this has worked in the UK for virtually the entirety of Britain’s sporting history, Cav failed to take into account the impact Sacha Baron Cohen has had on global sport.

Arguably, SBC’s ‘ Borat’ has lowered expectations of the Eurasian nation to such an extent that most people in Britain imagine that the entire population consists of illiterate goat herders. A touch embarrassing, as a Kazakh rider won the race.

Still. We played the correct anthem, which is more than some other event organisers have managed.

Images: Laurence Griffiths/Getty Images, examiner.com.

Team GB’s Zoe Smith lifted 121kgs this morning, a new British record. That’s slightly over 19 stone, which means that theoretically, she could lift MMA fighter Brock Lesnar (l) above her head, despite the fact that he has the physical dimensions of a Smart Car.

He might be a bit slippy though, what with all that oil.

With this in mind, viewers of the weightlifting (male or female) should resist the temptation to compare their own physical strength to that of the athletes by lifting the nearest dog, armchair or loved one off the ground. It could lead to a pulled muscle and further realisation that one is definitely getting too old for such things. These people are pros. Don’t forget that.

Image: sport.malaysia.msn.

The dressage is the only part of an equestrian triumvirate of terror that is unlikely to result in a competitor getting a face full of fence. Showjumping and cross country follow, and tend to be crowd pleasers for that reason.

However, while watching horses prance around a sand pit guided by someone dressed like an undertaker can be confusing, even the untrained eye can appreciate the skill and control the riders exert getting them to perform. Especially in a epic London cloudburst.

Kudos to Team GB’s Kristina Cook, who did just that and kept her top hat on too.

Image: CHRISTOPHE SIMON/AFP/GettyImages.

Rebecca Adlington was also the target of a sharp shower before her events, but unfortunately hers was nothing to do with the weather.

It’s unclear whether comedian & Pride of Britain Frankie Boyle performs better when peppered with spiteful and unnecessary comments and thought he was helping by tweeting he was worried that Adlington would “have an unfair advantage in the swimming by possessing a dolphin’s face” last Thursday, but  we should get to find that out at his next live performance.

In the meantime, Adlington won the Bronze in the 400m freestyle event on Sunday.

Not a f**k was given about Mr Boyle that day.

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