Morrissey: Notes From A 21st Century Newsroom


Image: Mike Pont/Getty Images North America.

If I feel it, then others surely must. That’s the only thought that sustains me.

Morrissey,, 26 02 2013

Editor: Wait. No. That’s not going to interest anyone, despite it’s hopeful simplicity and beauty. Go back to the interview and find something more provocative we can use to stir up the readers.

Footsteps recede as a weary, underpaid staffer returns to her cubicle to scroll through the interview again.

War, I thought, was the most negative aspect of male heterosexuality. If more men were homosexual, there would be no wars, because homosexual men would never kill other men, whereas heterosexual men love killing other men. They even get medals for it. Women don’t go to war to kill other women. Wars and armies and nuclear weapons are essentially heterosexual hobbies.

Morrissey,, 26 02 2013

Editor: That’s more like it! Post away!

Simon Cowell vs. Martin Gore: Shooting Stars

Martin Gore. 32 years into his career, officially sanctioned “weirdo”. Image via tumblr

Do you remember those heady days when musicians were renowned for making ill advised, controversial and frequently stupid remarks? When the whole point of joining a band was to make music that would prompt teenagers to festoon themselves in crushed velvet and cover their walls with posters of androgynous young men with unacceptable haircuts and the kind of mutinous expressions usually worn by young offenders?

Those bands, when they weren’t having near death experiences or splitting up over musical differences would write lyrics that scared the shit out of middle-class suburban parents who would become convinced that their once delightful and cheery child was on the verge of suicide and hammer on the bedroom door at frequent intervals, just to check?

We, of course, never answered. We were too busy giving birth to our existential crises.

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