Is Harry Potter required reading at Daily Mail journalism school? Image via celebitchy.com

Rumour has it that alleged journalist and confirmed agitator of the utterly pointless, Samantha Brick, is about to appear in Celebrity Big Brother.

Oh God.

The Viewer is getting twitchy, people. How is she going to risk the temptation to monitor the unfeasibly beautiful Ms Brick without allowing jealously to overwhelm her/incurring the wrath of her gun totin’ husband?

Although, thinking about it, Channel 5 could do themselves (and the nation) a huge favour here. Use the ‘celebrity’ format to lure enemies of the state – wearying, fame hungry journalists, feckless fathers, politicians, bankers, Kenneth Tong – into the house, then leave them there indefinitely. Not three weeks, but forever.

Eventually, they will either explode with the tension of having to maintain their fifteen minute facade (like Andrew Stone), or the good will out and they’ll be released to perform positive works in the community to make up for their atrocious behaviour.

She’s writing up the proposal now. I’m wondering whether the ‘no feeding’ clause is a deal breaker.