Gullnado: Beyond The Wit Of Man

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If you want to illustrate your inflammatory article about how seagulls are terrorising innocent holidaymakers on British beaches, Getty have helpfully put together a package of photographs for you to do so.

Equally, you can make a storyboard for a classic (bloody awful) creature feature called Gullnado. It’s more or less the same thing, of course, but at least with the latter you don’t have to play down the role that people’s inability to to deal with their food waste has on their behaviour.

You can make a plot point of it.

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A peaceful, unassuming seaside town.

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At least until a horrible influx of dirty great vermin appeared on the horizon.

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The residents were powerless to stop these creatures, who seemed impervious to the damage and fear their presence was generating.

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Indeed, they seemed to revel in it.

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Relations became so hostile that some residents resorted to direct action.

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The vermin reacted by starting a smear campaign against the residents, using their popular media to blame them for the problems and simultaneously trying to absolve themselves of any responsibility.

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The rights of the residents were quickly forgotten amid the hysteria and they were quickly and efficiently reduced to the designation of ‘a dangerous problem’.

One that can only be resolved by calling upon the default solution for creatures of such ignorance; “let’s kill ’em”.

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The future, like the inevitable sequel, looks horribly depressing for us all.

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