the baggy trousered misanthropist

missives issued from the lair

I’m willing to wager that I’m not the first person whose been inspired to action by this picture. Image: WILLIAM WEST/AFP/GettyImages.

While we’ve all been concentrating on the well-intentioned (but ultimately pointless) battle to keep sport out of politics, the US based Lingerie Football League have been working their lacy knickers off  on an entirely different project. And to be fair to them, their campaign to introduce porn into American Football has been so successful, it seems pointless to try and stem the inevitable tide of unexpected nudity.

There must be a way to turn this to our advantage.

Venus Williams has already made alarming inroads into the ‘tennis porn’ arena and Usain Bolt has cheerily run with the lunchbox baton passed onto him by the master, Linford Christie. But while it’s entertaining to watch, it seems unfair to limit participation to those whose body fat figures lurk somewhere south of 6%.

Imagine if the governing bodies of all sports passed a resolution that everyone in amateur sport had to be dressed in snug lycra before play could commence. Either participation in darts, snooker and lawn bowls would hit a all time low and only sports that are pleasing to the eye would thrive in a kind of ‘survival of the fittest’ manner, (possibly launching a Brave New World type segregation of first world populations) or we’d gradually start to wake up to the inevitable truth that a normal human body stands no chance of looking good in Spandex. Ever.

The criminally cruel polyurethane-polyurea copolymer would be burned in big pyres across the globe and everybody would have to return to more traditional attire for running, jumping and shopping on UK High Streets on a Saturday.

We can but dream.

READ MORELingerie Football League: A Warning To Us All

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