Google Translate: The Daily Mail On Ellie Goulding

You look shit now you’ve abandoned a conventional ‘feminine’ look in favour of exploring your own personality. Please change back so we can all feel more comfortable.

I was told something similar when I was her age. It was pretty crushing at the time, but at least it was just some moron in a bar and not a national ‘newspaper’.

FEMEN: A Rock & A Hard Place

Image via facebook.

Indecision: From French indécision. The inability to decide on a course of action, especially if two or more possibilities exist.

Come on, dude! Hit the pavement or take the shot. You’ll probably end up with broken teeth either way, so it makes no sense to prolong the agony.

Chelsea O’Reilly: All Feminism & Fingernails

Image: REUTERS/Andy Clark.

Chelsea O’Reilly. Taking part in her first stock car race at the age of fourteen.

Because feminism is about women expressing themselves in a way that is truly natural to them, and not being confined to narrow stereotypes of femininity imposed upon them by others.

Or alternatively… YOU GO GIRL!

Duchess Of Cambridge: Judge Or Be Judged

Image: Gf/Bauer Griffin.

Should the French edition of Closer have published topless photographs of the Duchess of Cambridge taken when she was on a private holiday with her husband?

This is the question being pondered by virtually every news outlet in lieu of publishing said photos on or in their own website or newspaper. It’s a tactic that is increasingly used by the media to distract the public from the uncomfortable questions we really should be asking in these situations, and it shocks me that so many bright, supposedly intelligent people buy into it. Apparently, it’s now more important to have your voice heard than to say anything remotely sensible or constructive. And who is going to engage with a media source that makes you question your own motives and decisions when there are so many more out there literally begging you to pass judgement on others?

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Leon Knight: Hashtag Hate Crime

 
Involuntary writing hiatus over, I return to the internet only to find that yet another misogynist has broken loose from his moorings and started spraying Twitter with his own brand of vigilante DVT.  On the plus side, it’s a footballer this time, so there will be no crushing fall from grace and embarrassment at our own misplaced faith.

Alright, maybe a bit.

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Dominique Strauss-Kahn: Just About Bearing Up

Dominique Strauss-Kahn prepares to leave the Monte Carlo Bay Hotel last night. Image: VALERY HACHE/AFP/GettyImages.

You’d imagine that resigning from your job as head of the International Monetary Fund would be enough to assuage those who doubted your veracity when you were accused of raping a chambermaid, wouldn’t you?

But no. Even though the allegations were dropped because the chambermaid was careless enough to be illiterate and an African immigrant, effectively rendering her a non-person, Dominique Strauss-Kahn had to sacrifice his political aspirations too. No one, not even a man of his self-confidence and power could seriously expect to undertake a presidential campaign in his native country without journalists excitedly surfing the tsunami of allegations that follow him in lieu of a wake.

Until recently, Big Dom was able to rely on his wife for comfort and support, but even she’s left him now.

Still, it looks as though he’s just about bearing up, doesn’t it?

Todd Akin: Legitimate Head Slapping

Todd Akin. Ripe for a legitimate head slapping. Image: REUTERS/House of Representatives.

First of all, from what I understand from doctors, that’s really rare. If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.

In light of Congressman Todd Akin’s comments during an interview about abortion on Sunday, it’s only fair we warn him about ‘legitimate head slapping‘. This is a involuntary reaction similar to that experienced by women who are being raped, but instead of the body “shutting that whole [pregnancy] thing down“, what tends to happen is that the arms of people presented with dangerous, ill-informed remarks tend to rise and issue a number of sharp slaps to the back of the offender’s head until they stop talking.

Honestly, it’s proven. I’ve seen it happen.

Pussy Riot: Martyrs For Mobilisation

The whole ‘hoping this would just go away’ policy was not working out for the Russian authorities. Image: REUTERS/Mikhail Voskresensky.

Three members of a Russian punk band arrested for singing a protest song in an orthodox church have been sentenced to two years in jail.

In her verdict, Judge Marina Syrova claimed that Pussy Riot “committed hooliganism driven by religious hatred” and in doing so offended the church and religious people.

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FEMEN: Provocative Enough For Pussy Riot?

Images via facebook.

A half naked woman chainsawing a bit of wood? I’m a bit disappointed that FEMEN couldn’t come up with something a little more provocative to voice their support for Pussy Riot, aren’t you?

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One Direction: Pulling On The Flack Jacket

As a presenter of X-Factor, Caroline Flack rarely swings by my orbit. She’s fine with that, I’m fine with that. We’re cool.

When she got involved with the woolly looking kid from One Direction, the possibility of a 31-year-old embarking on any kind of relationship with a 17-year-old had never been considered  in the realm of human possibility and the media treated the story with the over dramatic face-palming such a coup warranted.

It was then she appeared on my radar. I wasn’t overjoyed. Neither, I would imagine, was she.

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