The Viewer: The Valleys, Where Life Begins.

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Oh god. What fresh hell is this? 

9408632-largeThe Viewer’s forays into the depths of dramality television are not new. I have repeatedly articulated my worries about her viewing habits, but intially I trusted her, accepting in good faith her explanation that the Jersey Shore thing was justified on the basis that it was at the forefront of a cultural zeitgeist involving the liberal use of confusion-avoidance lettering against colourful backdrops.

I let it go. I shouldn’t have.

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The Viewer: Geordie Shore, Everything Changes But You


Note how the cast’s reactions to the new boys’ genitalia offer a subtle hint as to the nature of their future relationships. Image via facebook

Bored? Lonely? Suicidal?

The Viewer is. That’s why she watches this shite.

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The Viewer: Geordie Shore, Chaos In Cancun Pt.III – The Last Hurrah?

Disturbingly, this is not the most frightening image you will see in this post. Image via tumblr

The Viewer is worried about Vicky from Geordie Shore, readers.

Don’t panic, she hasn’t undergone a personality bypass or anything.  As we all know, Vicky’s behaviour does not inspire pity in normal people as much as uncontrollable violence directed towards the TV, but she has recently fallen under the spell of a known offender and Stockholm Syndrome is setting in.

Ricci, who has several warrants outstanding with the Fashion Police, has, through a system of ab exposure, short bursts of sex and incoherent screaming, tricked Vicky into thinking marrying him will be a good idea.

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The Viewer: Geordie Shore, Chaos In Cancun Pt.II – The Agony & The Ecstasy

Of course he bloody did! What were you expecting?! Image via geordieshoreonline.

The Viewer thinks Cancun Chris is a deeply evil man, Shorz fans.

She loves the idea like she gave birth to it.

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The Viewer: Geordie Shore, Chaos In Cancun

Image via tumblr

You might think you are above watching appalling trash such as this, but a true intellectual knows that ALL information about one’s fellow man is valuable.

To date, no one has managed to prove or indeed put forth any evidence to support the validity of that assertion, but no matter. These people have in excess of 3m Twitter followers between them. They’re taking over the world.

This will help you communicate with them until you work out an escape plan.

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