Mike Read: “Suitable for every situation”

 

According to the Big M Promotions website, Mike Read “has the ability to receive the admiring attention of everyone in a room and he always has the crowd in awe at his vocal velocity and clever repartee suitable for every situation“.

I’ll let you be the judge of that.

U2: Thirty One Years Later…

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… and they’re still trying to force their music onto people’s personal listening devices! The shits.

Still, one of the benefits of being old is that not only do you get to laugh at the technology/fashion/hairdos we once considered cutting edge, but you can state with absolute confidence that War is a better album than Songs Of Innocence.

Because it is.

 

Kathleen Hanna & Miley Cyrus: Breaking The Chain

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You’d imagine that Kathleen Hanna, founding member of the riot-grrl movement, ardent feminist and lead singer of ground breaking bands such as Bikini Kill, Le Tigre and The Julie Ruin would have little time for Miley Cyrus.

After all, isn’t Cyrus the antithesis of all that Hanna stands for? Living proof that the world at large has considered her message and summarily rejected it, preferring to keep its female pop stars constrained by the twin shackles of sexual availability and the male gaze?

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Beyonce: Behind the Curtain

Practically everyone wants to be famous these days.

We all know that person who reads magazines and speaks in hushed tones about the perfection therein; the flawless skin, the perfectly proportioned muscle groups, the happy, carefree, penthouse suite boasting infinity pool life that millions of dollars can afford. Perhaps we tease them gently, rib them about their aspirations, which we ourselves see through because we know that money and a designer baby doesn’t equal happiness, it just appears to when photographed in the right lighting.

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One Direction: Parody With Purpose

As an elderly person with what I like to think is fairly decent taste, I’ve never really understood the purpose of One Direction as a musical entity. I’m so uncomfortable with the whole ‘mogul grooming and primping boys for the purpose of manipulating the vulnerable, fecund areas of teenage sexuality for financial gain’ thing, that the actual music has passed me by.

The snippets I have heard makes me yearn for the touchingly disorganised and cheery console manipulation of Stock, Aitken & Waterman.

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Holly Baxter: Another Brick In The Wall

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A blogger from a well known feminist website has copped some serious heat this week after a piece she wrote about crowd sourced funding was published in the Guardian.

It wasn’t so much the subject matter that provoked floods of angry comments, emails and tweets to the Vagenda offices, the Guardian and the social networks, but the springboard she launched her story with – a British musician who had just lost his home, creative output and pet dog in a house fire.

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Fearne Cotton: Keep Quiet & Carry On

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If you had asked me in 2000, I doubt I would have gone so far as to call myself a fan of Lostprophets.

Their brand of pop metal, performed by photogenic, heavily modded and moulded boys, leaned a little too close to the accessible mainstream than I was comfortable with at the time, but thefakesoundofprogress was a decent enough album and Shinobi vs. Dragon Ninja still pops up on the odd playlist from time to time.

I don’t think I’m in the majority.

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Miley Cyrus: Haven’t I Seen You Somewhere Before?

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“I feel like I’m one of the biggest feminists in the world because I tell women to not be scared of anything.”

Miley Cyrus, BBC Newsbeat.

Let’s not be under any illusion here. Miley Cyrus is a hardworking, savvy businesswoman who knows precisely what she needs to do to maximise her earning potential.

But she is also young, and while her desire to make the world a less frightening place for women is admirable, what she needs to realise is that her weapon of choice cuts most out of her sphere of influence before she even opens her mouth.

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Pop Music: Slouching Towards Bethlehem

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You don’t have to be a porn star to work here, but it helps.

If there is anything to be learned from the sexualisation of the music industry debate, it’s that we as a society are more comfortable with our kids watching the soft porn that purports to be pop music than we are with older, and therefore less titillating women’s opinions about the damage it can cause.

I think I preferred it when Miley Cyrus astride a bloody wrecking ball was the nadir.

Images via instagram, theinterrobang.