US Elections: Nice Try, George

Posted on by Kelly Welles

Claudia Greenburg, who was attending Mitt Romney’s Michigan election party last night, has a question for us. Image: AP Photo.

Gotta be honest with you, Claudia. The world is in the midst of an economic crisis, thousands of innocent people are dying every day in brutal battles for control of future energy supplies, the unions are threatening to strike during the London Olympics and One Direction are in the process of cracking the American market.

But still, even in spite of all this horror, the answer is still no.

Thanks for stopping by though.

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell: Just Run, Jump & Kiss On The Face

Posted on by Kelly Welles

Image: thatswhatupnow.com

I’m soooo excited by this photo of a marine arriving home from active duty and leaping into the arms of his partner.

The outraged wailing and gnashing of teeth that will inevitably ensue from religious and right wing groups will be a joy to behold.

I’m just nipping out to get me some popcorn. Anyone want anything?

Sacha Baron Cohen: Room For Optimism

Posted on by Kelly Welles

Congratulations to Sacha Baron Cohen, who hammered what we can only hope is final nail into his ‘controversial’ career coffin last night by dumping powder over an interviewer on the red carpet at the Oscars.

Ryan Seacrest was the unfortunate victim of Baron Cohen’s pre-awards comedy skit, which basically involved the ‘Bruno’ star walking the red carpet dressed as a dictator (costume available from any good fancy dress retailer) and accidentally tipping what he claimed were the ashes of Kim Jong-Il over Seacrest’s trousers.

This would have been the hilarious, showstopping promotion tool for his new film that Baron Cohen was hoping for, but for two things. The humour to be found in fascist dictatorships is arguably limited to anyone who doesn’t buy into convenient media stereotypes, and Chumbawamba did more or less the same thing fourteen years ago to John Prescott at the Brits.

They vanished without trace shortly after. Fingers crossed, kids.

Women & Women First: My Application Is In The Post

Posted on by Kelly Welles

I want to work in this bookstore, featured in the superb IRC comedy Portlandia.

Why? Well, apart from the obvious feminist credibility it would afford me, I was pioneering this customer service standard during my years in retail, way before Fred Armison and Carrie Brownstein ran with it.

My employers were strangely resistant, but I maintain it’s the only way to deal with certain ‘types’ of customers.

The place was never the same after I left, anyway.

Marie Colvin: In The Land Of The Blind

Posted on by Kelly Welles

Marie Colvin, who lost an eye in Sri Lanka after a shrapnel wound. Image: Reuters/Daylife. 

Marie Colvin, Sunday Times journalist and the only reporter from a British newspaper in Homs, Syria, has been killed in a rocket attack. She and her photographer, Remi Ochlik, who also died, were in a house that came under shell fire and died when trying to flee.

Whatever your view on media outlets being ’embedded’ in conflict zones, this is truly terrible news for anyone who appreciates a desire to tell the truth about a situation regardless of personal danger, and truly great journalism.

RIP, Marie. May we continue to be inspired.

Boxing Showcase: Vitali Klitschko vs. Dereck Chisora vs. David Haye

Posted on by Kelly Welles

This little altercation took place after Vitali Klitschko comprehensively beat Dereck Chisora to retain his WBC Heavyweight Championship belt on Saturday night.

The fact that David Haye felt that someone else’s post fight press conference was an appropriate place to articulate his perceived persecution in the sport, not to mention promoter Frank Warren’s opportunistic attempt to make another moneyspinning fight out of the whole sorry mess, probably says more about boxing today than the state of Haye’s career.

But not by much.

Houston? By God, Do We Have A Problem

Posted on by Kelly Welles

Image: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images.

Black-Scholes. Not as you might first think, a hideous pox that caused peoples faces to peel off in the 16th Century, or even a descriptor for the bruising suffered after a (rubbish) tackle from a notorious Manchester United midfielder, but according to mathematician Ian Stewart, one of the possible reasons for the global financial meltdown we are currently experiencing.

I’m not going to even attempt to explain what the damn thing means – Ian can do that – but upon reading his article on Sunday morning in a semi-conscious fugue, I found myself making parallels between that and the death of Whitney Houston.

I know. Saturday night was a hell of a night.

Continue reading “Houston? By God, Do We Have A Problem” →

The Personhood Bill: You Think Jails Are Overcrowded Now?

Posted on by Kelly Welles

Image via Jezebel.com

… just imagine what would happen if this got passed. To confirm, this handwritten note states the following:

… any action in which a man ejaculates or otherwise deposits semen anywhere but in a woman’s vagina shall be interpreted and construed as an action against an unborn child.

If you think this is an amusing gag designed to scare the bejesus out of men who spend a little too much time on their own in the shower, please avail yourself of the proposed ‘Personhood Bill’ in Oklahoma.

Continue reading “The Personhood Bill: You Think Jails Are Overcrowded Now?” →

The Darwin Awards: Misogynist Sports Fans Category

Posted on by Kelly Welles

Image via twitter.

This screen shot is apparently from a complaint form on ESPN USA.

One can only hope that it is a devious tactic employed by the staff at ESPN to filter out the idiots in the viewing population. The option is clicked, the IP address is stored, and a troupe of pre-menstrual ESPN presenters (female and male) go round and issue a good kicking to the fool in question.

Probably not though.

If you are unfamiliar with the brilliant Darwin Awards website, check it out here. You won’t be sorry.