Category: Politics

Buckles Up: G4S Boss Spearheads New Wave Of TV Torture

Posted on by Kelly Welles

Image via blogspot.

This debonair and rather hirsute chap is Nick Buckles. Nick’s in charge of G4S, the company who have reportedly arsed up security for the London 2012 Olympics to such an extent, no one knows how many contract workers will be turning up to protect participants and visitors to the stadia.

Today, like Rebekah Brooks, Bob Diamond & David Cameron before him, he will attempt to defend his role in “the shambles” to a committee of MPs.

Is trial by Select Committee the natural successor to dramality television? It’s arguably as scripted, and in most cases the decision making of the protagonists is just as questionable, but the stakes are significantly higher than whether Arg can lose weight in time to run the London Marathon.

I’m betting it’s going to catch on. We as a nation have always enjoyed a bit of ritual humiliation.

Chloe Smith: Another Bucket Of Chum In The Water

Posted on by Kelly Welles

Rumours of a conspiracy are circling Downing St after treasury minister Chloe Smith was hurled into the Paxman-infested waters of Newsnight on Wednesday. Smith, who is secretary to the Exchequer, appeared on the show to defend the government’s deferment of a 3p rise in fuel duty, but froze in the face of the BBC’s foremost political predator and ended up on the receiving end of a severe mauling.

Continue reading “Chloe Smith: Another Bucket Of Chum In The Water” →

Jeremy Hunt: Jog On, Old Chap

Posted on by Kelly Welles

Despite causing a potentially fatal split in the coalition government over his handling of the BSKYB bid, Jeremy Hunt remains a popular figure in his local community. Image: CARL COURT/AFP/GettyImages.

Syria: Sorry, We Cannot Hear You, We’re Kind Of Busy

Posted on by Kelly Welles

Explosions in Homs yesterday caught on camera. It has been described as one of the heaviest examples of violence in Syria since the uprising against the government began a year ago. Image: BAMBUSER/HOMSLIVE.

Dear Syria.

Thank you for contacting us. Your call is important, but right now the weight of our own indifference is preventing us from coming to your assistance, sending aid or indeed giving a shit that your children are being tortured and murdered by your government.

Please hold. One of our operators will be with you eventually.

Kisses,

The World.

William Hague: Prayers, Interrupted.

Posted on by Kelly Welles

Image: Dan Kitwood/Getty Images.

He may appear calm and collected, but you know that at some point in the build up to this photo opportunity, it’s occurred to William Hague that there’s a chance he might be mistaken for Brad Pitt.

Judging by the expression on Angelina Jolie’s face, the same thing occurred to her right around the time the picture was snapped.

FEMEN: You Can’t See Tits On The Radio

Posted on by Kelly Welles

Image: SERGEI SUPINSKY/AFP/GettyImages.

Note to terrorists. If you’re trying to make a political point, don’t waste time with bombs and guns and violence.

There’s a much more effective way to threaten the very fabric of the civilisation. Get your boobs out** and run around. Even better, hurl yourself at expensive trinkets held so dear by the hierarchy. The panic on the faces of those paid to look after them hints that it might be a surprisingly rich vein.

Continue reading “FEMEN: You Can’t See Tits On The Radio” →

Rebekah Brooks: Bringing Some Levity To Leveson

Posted on by Kelly Welles

Image: REUTERS/POOL via Reuters TV.

It’s all got bit serious here lately.

Let’s lighten things up by looking at this photo of Rebekah Brooks as she frantically tries to remember the penalty for lying under oath.

Remember, folks. No matter how awful your day has been so far, you can be assured that your failure to persuade the photocopier to operate properly is not being watched by thousands of people who are willing you to slip up and bring an entire government to it’s knees.

It’s all about perspective, y’see.

EDL & Mo Ansar: BBC Big Questions

Posted on by Kelly Welles


With the kind of casual disregard you might expect of a person who never lets a story get in the way of a sarcastic remark, I wrote about this recently, but forgot to post the video. It’s the full debate between Muslim commenter Mo Ansar and English Defence League leader Tommy Robinson, and the excitement that resulted from seeing such important issues openly and honestly discussed clouded my brain to the point where I could only manage a facetious comment about Tommy Robinson’s poor spelling.

Fortunately for you, Mo Ansar retweeted it and reminded me. You now get the opportunity to witness the spectacle for yourselves.

This kind of proactive behaviour is, of course, why Mo is invited to appear on TV debates about important matters and why I’m scoring  smart points off typos.

Countryside Alliance: Systemic Statement Fail

Posted on by Kelly Welles

A woman reacts with shock as she advised that her green jacket will offer no protection from the long arm of the law. Image: via the Telegraph.

The RSPCA have been accused of pursuing a political agenda after pressing charges against four members of the Heythrop hunt – which in the past has enjoyed the patronage of David Cameron. Vanessa Lambert, Richard Sumner, Duncan Hume and Julian Barnfield are all accused of hunting with dogs in contravention of the 2004 Hunting Act. Aside from Cameron, the hunt enjoys the support of such luminaries as Rebekah Brooks and Jeremy Clarkson.

The Countryside Alliance, who, according to their website act in the interests of rural people, said:

The RSPCA’s decision to bring such a huge prosecution is a blatant political attack on hunting and an abuse of the court system.

To clarify (just in case any of you reading this are as stupid as the Countryside Alliance thinks you are), they believe it’s an abuse of the court system to prosecute a crime. Does that mean if everyone puts on red jackets and posh accents before committing a crime, they can then dismiss their prosecution as “bad law” and away with it?

Well, it’s no more illogical than the argument that killing animals is a fun way to spend a Saturday morning, I suppose.