The Viewer: Borgen. Birgitte Under Fire

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Birgitte Nyborg. Camo chic. Image via linktv.org.

The Viewer has developed an unhealthy fascination with Birgitte Nyborg. She believes that, like Birgitte, she is essentially a good hearted person who, through the machinations of others, is perpetually criticised and wilfully misunderstood for simply trying to do the right thing by everyone.

For anyone preparing to accept this idea without question, I feel it’s only fair to inform you that only one of our glamorous, intellectually driven, emotionally sensitive protagonists is currently confined to a flame retardant basement with restraints on the walls and yogurt stains all over the TV.

It’s not Birgitte.

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Comedic Asides: I’m Sorry. I Haven’t A Clue

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Jack Whitehall? Yeah, that’ll slay ’em! Image via cinema.de

The British Comedy Awards. Two bones of contention. One blinking cursor.

It’s like Christmas came early.

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Kristen Stewart: Fallible But Futureproof

Kristen Stewart. Shows a promising disrespect for convention. Image via Gf/Bauer Griffin.

She plays the central character in a movie franchise that has changed the face of cinema, but is almost universally hated. She dates, and has been publicly vilified for cheating on, an actor who is repeatedly heralded as the most desirable male in the world today. She can rock the red carpet with the best of them, but given half a chance she’ll be accessorising her look with battered Converse instead of  designer heels. She has a healthy understanding of satire (see above).

All this at 22-years-old.

How Kristen Stewart has held onto her sanity, dignity and sense of humour in the last few years, I have no clue. But I will say this. In twenty-odd years, when Twilight is but a blot on her ouvre and her status as a feminist icon is unquestionable, remember where you read it first.

Movie Watch: The Disappearance Of Alice Creed

Images via andygeddon.com.

Does female nudity necessarily mean a film is exploitative? It’s a relatively easy conceit to slip into, given the amount of female flesh included in many mainstream films for no apparent reason other than to titillate the audience, but ‘The Disappearance of Alice Creed’, director J Blakeson’s debut feature, refreshingly demonstrates that this doesn’t always have to be the case.

Vic and Martin are two nondescript but purposeful blokes silently preparing for what appears to be a major event. Visits to the DIY store and the supermarket, a non-descript van, the tearing down of curtains and hammering of boards over windows in an empty flat, unrollings of soundproof material and fixing of DefCon 1 levels of security on doors offer even the slowest of up-takers that something dodgy is afoot.

Or that Vic & Martin prank ridiculously hard.

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The Viewer: Geordie Shore, Everything Changes But You


Note how the cast’s reactions to the new boys’ genitalia offer a subtle hint as to the nature of their future relationships. Image via facebook

Bored? Lonely? Suicidal?

The Viewer is. That’s why she watches this shite.

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The I-Spy Guide To I’m A Celebrity: Sarcasm Edition

Entertainment for the masses, 21st Century style. Image via yahoo.com

Like Dancing On Ice, ‘I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here’ is one of the few celebrity based game shows that brings with it the very real and thrilling possibility of abject peril. Wanting to see someone you’ve been nursing a special hatred for get savagely attacked by a poisonous animal or have their fingers sliced off on an ice rink while Philip Schofield looks on in horror are perfectly natural human desires, and we should consider ourselves fortunate that so many celebrities are willing to hurl themselves into the fray for our entertainment.

‘I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here’ starts on Sunday. Here are some exciting things to look out for, just in case you missed last year’s highlight.

Anyone know how Fatima Whitbread’s doing, by the way?

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The Viewer: Dark Tide

Image via cinemablend.

An irrational fear of a mysterious beast that dwells alone in the darkness, is rarely seen, but whose sinister, unnerving presence is constantly felt.

The Viewer feels a peculiar kinship with the great white shark. And rats.

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Weekend Highlights: Carry On Groping

Have you noticed that some people are terribly perplexed by the sex scandal gradually engulfing the BBC? Over the weekend I’ve come across several individuals, ranging from people I know to commenters on internet sites, who are questioning the veracity of the women coming forward with their stories.

For this week’s highlights package, I’ve prepared a primer of the most common queries I’ve heard or read, plus a crib sheet of possible responses. Writing it has served as a useful distraction from my own annoyance, and if you’re as pissed off about this as I am, it may provide essential pause before your arm lifts and you find yourself grabbing for the nearest heavy object to hurl at the befuddled applicant for the post of village idiot standing in front of you.

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