Jimmy Savile: Keep Quiet & Carry On

Posted on October 3, 2012 by Kelly Welles

Without making assumptions of guilt or innocence, the response of a sizeable minority of people towards the recent allegations against Jimmy Savile is making it increasingly clear to me how this kind of thing might have gone unchecked for so long.

I realise it must be horrendous for his family, but the level of anger directed towards the women claiming he assaulted them – the preferred option apparently to “let him Rest In Peace” – frightens me.

I thought we’d made some progress since the 70’s. Obviously not.

More: Grace Dent, Independent. ‘Soon, Pervert, Soon‘.

Weekend Highlights: Upsetting Scenes

Posted on October 1, 2012 by Kelly Welles

Prophylactic not pictured. Image via dowelldesign.co.uk.

Contains implausible sexual references & photos of grown men in shorts.

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Tony Robinson: You Can Have This One For Free

Posted on September 26, 2012September 26, 2012 by Kelly Welles

Image: REUTERS/Fayaz Kabli.

Funny how this has never turned up on one of Tony Robinson’s ‘Worst Jobs‘ programmes, isn’t it?

Perhaps his ‘getting his hands dirty’ enthusiasm has it’s boundaries. Because intimate tanning smearer is definitely up there.

Weekend Highlights: Snark Patrol

Posted on September 17, 2012September 17, 2012 by Kelly Welles

If this isn’t a warning to him, nothing will be. Photoshop: Kelly Welles.

Pleasant weekend, peeps?

If not, here are some things that amused/irritated or otherwise grabbed my attention while I was trying to do other things.

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The Viewer: Celebrity Big Brother

Posted on August 21, 2012 by Kelly Welles

Sam Brick. Not as comfortable with pretty princess tag as you might think. Image via unrealitytv.

Her work with the Geordie Shore crew has transformed The Viewer into an overnight sensation, but as she is rapidly discovering, fame comes with it’s own price tag.

Only last week she had a panic attack after realising that her new status as the darling of the sarcastic circuit had elevated her to the very furrow of fame Channel 5 ploughs when it needs Celebrity Big Brother contestants. Fortunately for all concerned, The Viewer has not been selected for this series of CBB, but it’s only a matter of time before you, your friends and/or your family pet are forcibly ejected from your homes and into a plywood shed in Elstree for three weeks to talk endlessly about your insignificant achievements until the world wants to waterboard you.

Having watched the opening exchanges, The Viewer would now like to offer you a few words of advice, should that terrifying series of events come to pass.

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One Direction: Pulling On The Flack Jacket

Posted on August 16, 2012 by Kelly Welles

As a presenter of X-Factor, Caroline Flack rarely swings by my orbit. She’s fine with that, I’m fine with that. We’re cool.

When she got involved with the woolly looking kid from One Direction, the possibility of a 31-year-old embarking on any kind of relationship with a 17-year-old had never been considered in the realm of human possibility and the media treated the story with the over dramatic face-palming such a coup warranted.

It was then she appeared on my radar. I wasn’t overjoyed. Neither, I would imagine, was she.

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The Viewer: Geordie Shore, Chaos In Cancun Pt.III – The Last Hurrah?

Posted on August 15, 2012November 9, 2012 by Kelly Welles

Disturbingly, this is not the most frightening image you will see in this post. Image via tumblr.

The Viewer is worried about Vicky from Geordie Shore, readers.

Don’t panic, she hasn’t undergone a personality bypass or anything. As we all know, Vicky’s behaviour does not inspire pity in normal people as much as uncontrollable violence directed towards the TV, but she has recently fallen under the spell of a known offender and Stockholm Syndrome is setting in.

Ricci, who has several warrants outstanding with the Fashion Police, has, through a system of ab exposure, short bursts of sex and incoherent screaming, tricked Vicky into thinking marrying him will be a good idea.

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