I’m assuming that I would be massively offended by this if:
a) I knew who Amanda Bynes was, &
b) What on earth she’s talking about.
Garden Grrl: The Battle Of Stalin-Garden
What I thought I looked like in winter. Image via tumblr.
The formative years of my social life were spent in a third-floor flat overlooking a park in the centre of a provincial town. While the flights of stairs up to the living space were a minor inconvenience when drunk, the building itself was within comfortable staggering distance of all my favourite hostelries. I walked to work and even when the sun was shining, the sounds of happy families kicking footballs and feeding ducks drifting through the open window, I preferred to stay indoors with my flat-mate, mocking passers-by and conducting cost/benefit analyses on purchasing out of date alcohol from the dodgy shopkeeper up the road.
In other words, the changing of the seasons was an abstract concept – one that troubled my already overworked bank account when the winter heating bill arrived in February, but little more. It was only when I moved to the countryside that I realised the sheer, unutterable misery the changing seasons can hurl upon one at will.
Michelle Shocked: Conversion Therapy
Image via buzzfeed.
1988: American singer songwriter Michelle Shocked releases debut album ‘Short Sharp Shocked‘.
1989: ‘Short Sharp Shocked’ wins New Music Album of the Year award, beating Tracy Chapman, Phranc & The Indigo Girls releases. Shocked jokes to an American TV audience that award should have been entitled “Best Lesbian Vocalist”.
Giambattista Valli: Fur F**k’s Sake
Image via trendhunter.com.
A sneak peek at what we’ll all be wearing to keep out the cold in the fall and winter of 2013.
Specification: Delightfully soft and almost certainly still warm fluffy coat, combining elegance and style with a modern, urban aesthetic for the discerning purchaser**.
**By buying this product, you tacitly confirm you don’t care that it’s second hand and the original owner was probably skinned alive.
Available in: Silver, Copper, Bronze, Piebald and Grey as well as the classic Black & White model shown.
Startled expression: Dog’s own.
The ‘I’m Sorry, What?’ Files: Descents Into Madness
It IS an emergency! You should see me when I haven’t had five cups of coffee. Image via huffingtonpost.
Come on, it’s Friday. It’s not like you’re actually doing any work.
Continue reading “The ‘I’m Sorry, What?’ Files: Descents Into Madness”
FEMEN: Vulnerable At The Vatican
FEMEN: Inspiring elderly women to pick up their umbrellas (1:17) and protest against oppressive forces since 2008.
Further reading: The Atlantic, The Woman Behind Femen
Carcasses On The Course: Day One At Cheltenham Races
Image: Samir Hussein/WireImage.
Unlike last year, there were no deaths on the track on the opening day of the Cheltenham Festival – a four day horse racing event during which those residents unfortunate enough not to be landed gentry stay at home to avoid the now traditional triumvirate of verbal abuse (tits… TITS, oi luv, did you hear me, you’ve got TITS!), vehicle gridlock and vomit.
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Movie Watch: Argo vs. Zero Dark Thirty
There’s been a great deal of speculation as to why Argo should have been awarded the Oscar for Best Picture, while Zero Dark Thirty just about got their grateful hands on the Best Sound Editing gong, only to have one slapped away and to be told they had to share it with the guys who did Skyfall.
The general consensus seemed to be that Zero Dark Thirty failed to engage viewers because it challenged them to confront the reality of American foreign policy. Argo, on the other hand, sought to retell the heroic story of a CIA agent who busted six American citizens out of Iran using a just sci-fi movie script and a great moustache.
Hollywood, eh?
Celebrity Roast: Lily Allen
Image: Ian Gavan/Getty Images Europe.
Just to be clear, animal welfare campaigners are not upset and angry with Lily Allen because she raises pigs and then has them slaughtered. Many feel that this process is actually preferable to factory farming methods.
They’re upset and angry with her for not realising that to offer the right to decide over a sentient being’s survival as a prize is not only utterly demeaning to the animal, but perpetuates a message that such issues are humorous and not really worth thinking about.
I know this, because I am one of them.
The ‘I’m Sorry, What?’ Files: Soft Porn Special
According to a recent survey, I am one of just twenty-seven people on the planet who use don’t the internet to look at pictures of naked people. I would have thought that a potential audience of 6,973,738,406 would be more than sufficient to sate those with an obviously urgent desire to flash their arses, but no. They continue to infiltrate my delicate sphere of consciousness with their flappy bits, to the point where I’m contemplating a return to a paper based communication system.
For now though, I’m happy just to bitch.
Continue reading “The ‘I’m Sorry, What?’ Files: Soft Porn Special”
Kelly Welles 