Kristen Stewart: Fallible But Futureproof

Kristen Stewart. Shows a promising disrespect for convention. Image via Gf/Bauer Griffin.

She plays the central character in a movie franchise that has changed the face of cinema, but is almost universally hated. She dates, and has been publicly vilified for cheating on, an actor who is repeatedly heralded as the most desirable male in the world today. She can rock the red carpet with the best of them, but given half a chance she’ll be accessorising her look with battered Converse instead of  designer heels. She has a healthy understanding of satire (see above).

All this at 22-years-old.

How Kristen Stewart has held onto her sanity, dignity and sense of humour in the last few years, I have no clue. But I will say this. In twenty-odd years, when Twilight is but a blot on her ouvre and her status as a feminist icon is unquestionable, remember where you read it first.

Whitby Goth Weekend: Going, Going, Gone Gangnam

This morning I discovered this video of Whitby Goth Weekend patrons performing a ‘Gangnam Style’ dance and it’s the first one I’ve seen that didn’t make me want to stab myself in the face.

Obviously I’m biased, as about fifteen years ago I was in a band that would have been doing this onstage, not just on a main road, but I’m glad to see that in the intervening period, commitment to timing, co-ordination,  hilarious hats and snakebite consumption has not flagged at all.

I LOVE YOU, MY PEOPLE.

PETA: It’s OK, The Turkeys Are Willingly Voting For Christmas

Image: Oli Scarff/Getty Images Europe.

The idea of “Rudolph” being slaughtered and cut up for dinner makes a mockery of the Christmas spirit of peace and good will to all.

A PETA representative on the news that parents are angry about supermarket Lidl selling reindeer steaks in the run up to Christmas.

Are we then to deduce that letting kids think that turkeys enjoy an intensive protein based diet while living in crammed conditions that cause chronic pain for up to a third of their lives before they’re killed so we can eat them does not make a mockery of said Christmas spirit and goodwill?

I just want to be clear.

Bold Political Statements: We’re Doing It Wrong

Image via twitter.

The woman on the right in this photograph is Nina Turner, a Democratic State Senator in Ohio. She responded to a Republican Party attempt to de-fund Planned Parenthood by wearing a t-shirt suggesting the acronym ‘GOP’ actually stands for “Get Out of my Panties“, not “Grand Old Party”, as the Republicans would have it.

Bold policy statements from female politicians on such matters are not new. Last year, Oklahoma Senator Judy McIntyre   made her thoughts perfectly clear on the subject of a Fetal Personhood Bill through borrowed & bawdy signage, while Senator Constance Johnson’s handwritten amendment to the same bill caused shock, awe and much knicker wetting among the Republican faithful.

In other news, Nadine Dorries, Tory MP for Mid-Bedfordshire, went on TV gameshow ‘I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here’ to promote her controversial views on abortion. Last night she ate an ostrich’s anus on live TV.

National pride is coursing through my veins as I write.

Operation Mindcrime: My Mary Whitehouse Experience

Safe if written down? The Leveson Inquiry might beg to differ these days. Image via photobucket.

I grew up slap bang in the middle of the video nasty era, when clever authority types were beginning to suspect that exposing impressionable young minds to lusty scenes of gore and blood spatter might not necessarily be the best way to develop mentally balanced and healthy future generations.

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Movie Watch: The Disappearance Of Alice Creed

Images via andygeddon.com.

Does female nudity necessarily mean a film is exploitative? It’s a relatively easy conceit to slip into, given the amount of female flesh included in many mainstream films for no apparent reason other than to titillate the audience, but ‘The Disappearance of Alice Creed’, director J Blakeson’s debut feature, refreshingly demonstrates that this doesn’t always have to be the case.

Vic and Martin are two nondescript but purposeful blokes silently preparing for what appears to be a major event. Visits to the DIY store and the supermarket, a non-descript van, the tearing down of curtains and hammering of boards over windows in an empty flat, unrollings of soundproof material and fixing of DefCon 1 levels of security on doors offer even the slowest of up-takers that something dodgy is afoot.

Or that Vic & Martin prank ridiculously hard.

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World Press Photo 2012: Best Of Times, Worst Of Times

An anti-poaching team guards one of four remaining white rhino at Ol Pejeta Conservancy in Kenya. Image via worldpressphoto.org.

Once upon a time, we humans used abstract concepts like good and evil to evaluate and understand ambiguities in our behaviour. These days, availability of information and opportunity for people to put forth their side of the story has given us a glimpse of the vast spectrum of motivations and reasoning that lie between good and evil and yet many of us still default to those comfortable, familiar terms when confronted with something we don’t understand.

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The Viewer: Geordie Shore, Everything Changes But You


Note how the cast’s reactions to the new boys’ genitalia offer a subtle hint as to the nature of their future relationships. Image via facebook

Bored? Lonely? Suicidal?

The Viewer is. That’s why she watches this shite.

Continue reading “The Viewer: Geordie Shore, Everything Changes But You”